Thanks for 1 year of The Onion: 20 Years Later
In a weird year, we got to escape into 2000, which was also a weird year. Here's a short recap of fun times with The Onion
Well, 2020 is over, which means that we’ve finished a year of recapping The Onion’s print issues from 2000!
The Onion: 20 Years Later has spanned 46 issues, almost 100,000 words, and not nearly enough talking animals for my taste. We also had more than 40 columns from T. Herman Zweibel.
How did this newsletter get started? Well, in late 2019, I decided I needed a hobby for 2020 — a real activity that wasn’t related to work. And I had been bouncing the idea around of “Has anyone reassessed The Onion?” in part because I’d done a test run of this in 2013 with “How The Onion Has Changed Over 15 Years.”
I’m glad I stuck with it, and I’m so grateful for everyone who has signed up and read this newsletter. I hope I’m helping scratch the curiosity of other folks who love The Onion, are a history or trivia buff, or who just want something to read on a weekend.
I won’t have a new recap until Jan. 17, or 20 years from The Onion’s first issue of 2001, but next week, Jan. 10, I’ll be recapping President Bill Clinton’s Onion tenure. He was the first president extensively covered by The Onion and his presidency coincides with The Onion’s transformation from college humor paper to national journal of satire.
In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite stories of 2000, starting with my favorite selections from The Onion’s regular columnists.
The Onion’s local columnists
Jim Anchower: I learned to love Jim’s columns this year, and his Aug. 30 tale of working on a garbage truck and agonizing over a scorpion tattoo is some of his best writing. I also praised Oct. 18’s “I Been Trying To Figure Out A Way To Make Some Scratch” as “a slow-building masterpiece,” so let’s include that, too
Jackie Harvey: I love this misguided Hollywood columnist, and July 19’s “It's Time For Summer Blockbuster Movie Magic!” might be my favorite simply for this line about “The Perfect Storm”:
“Big Storm Coming is about a boat trapped in a storm, and it makes us care about fishermen.”
Herbert Kornfeld. These days, Twitter people love to expose the truth, or their version of it, via long, numbered threads with multiple key points. Kornfeld’s July 26 “What Y'all Heard About Tha CPA Convention Be LIES” is a 2000 equivalent of that
Jean Teasdale: She was an acquired taste for me, although looking back, her Feb. 23 column “Who Wants To Be A Jeanketeer?” is a great introduction
T. Herman Zweibel: I laughed out loud at the title of Sept. 27’s “Screw Charity!” so I guess I have to go with that. Who doesn’t love a good Henry Cabot Lodge reference?
Point/Counterpoint: May 17’s “The Future Will Be A Totalitarian Government Dystopia vs. The Future Will Be A Privatized Corporate Dystopia” is Nostradamus-level prediction
Ask A …: This column takes a little getting used to, but I really enjoyed “Ask A Man Getting Yelled At By His Wife Over The Phone At Work” from Nov. 15
Other favorites of 2000
“American People To Live Happily Ever After” was so optimistic.
“Nation Plunges Into Chaos” remains the definitive tale of the 2000 election.
“Hypothetical Question Clearly Not Hypothetical” is short but sweet.
“I Make The Best Spaghetti” is a great column about a young man’s misguided ideas about wining and dining
“Congressional Panel To Investigate Old Parker Mansion” hearkens to an era where we could lightheartedly make fun of Congress
“Internet Friend Gradually Getting Creepier” foretells the past 20 years of being online
“William Safire Orders Two Whoppers Junior” is a longtime favorite, most likely because I’m a copy editor
“Federal Judge Rules Parker Brothers Holds Monopoly Monopoly” is beautiful — you need zero knowledge of the Microsoft antitrust trial, but if you are aware, the satire is only enhanced.
“Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids” is classic Onion storytelling.
“Mid-Level Manager Forced To Find Out Who Isn't Flushing The Toilet” feels too real.
“Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids” is the type of article that inspired me to start this newsletter.
I’m lucky to work with a good sales team, but I think even they’d have stories to tell in reaction to “Morning Meeting Refocuses, Re-Energizes Sales Team”
The Onion’s infographics generally don’t age as well as the articles, but “Why Do We Hate Andrew J. Wollensky's Fucking Guts?” is an exception
“Area Man Consults Internet Whenever Possible” is a delightful reminder that people thought the Internet was a fad
“Alex Trebek Deftly Prolongs Agonizing Small Talk”: RIP, Alex
Finally, I declared Aug. 30, 2000, as potentially The Onion’s best issue ever, and these are 3 reasons why:
“Wedding-Reception DJ's Choice Of 'Strokin'' Proves Controversial”
“Man Who Actually Needs Grey Poupon Unable To Bring Self To Ask
Thanks again for reading, and please, share with your friends (and enemies, why not)! We’ll see you soon for 2001’s coverage.